As most of you likely know, against his better judgment McCain went on The View, which should really be titled "The Ignorant View of a Bunch of Ugly Women - Except Elizabeth Hasselbeck". While on "The Ignorant View", McCain commented something to the effect that, [paraphrase] "…I want judges on the bench who do not mess with the Constitution…", meaning that he doesn't want judges who disregard the Constitution, and thus legislate from the bench. Now McCain's mistake was attempting to provide a serious, well-thought-out answer to a bunch of Liberal ignoramuses, except Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

During McCain's response, Whoopi Goldberg could hardly contain herself. She had the perfect question. So as McCain pontificated, Goldberg was literally squirming in her seat like a first-grader who needed to "go pee pee". She finally interrupted, saying something to the effect, "…So what? You want me to go back to being a slave?"

She had gotten McCain, because after all it is the Republicans who have oppressed Blacks all these years, right? All together now, "NOT!"

This was an "Oh my God", game-changing sound-bite opportunity, that unfortunately McCain missed. How could he miss this opportunity to teach, and put Whoopi back in her cage? I know. Teaching Whoopi would be like trying to teach a gorilla Shakespeare!

So I thought to myself, perhaps McCain, like most Americans is not armed with proper knowledge…history! With the proper historical ammunition, McCain would not have been caught off guard, and he wouldn't have performed the mea culpa to Goldberg, as he ultimately did in view of all of America's NOW generation.

So what should McCain have said to Whoopi? Since you asked, I will tell you verbatim what McCain should have said.

"Whoopi, you obviously are not a student of history, as it was the Republican Party who freed your sorry Black ass from slavery!"

How about that for a sound bite?! And it would have been step one in McCain's education of America on the Republican Party and on Black history for that matter.

Now admittedly, perhaps McCain should not say, "…freed your sorry Black ass", and perhaps toned it down a bit in case there is media bias against him? But he could have said something like, "…freed Black people". You get my point. McCain missed his moment, and what I believe could have been an election-saving moment.

So this got me thinking, that if a Republican presidential candidate doesn't even know enough about history to tell Whoopi Goldberg that her "reality check bounced", then my white brethren and sisteren likely are not properly armed either? Thankfully, you have The League of Black Republican Superheroes!

My treatise is, if I held a gun to the head of the average American, and asked him to name ten Blacks of significance, pre-1950, you know I would have to shoot 99% of them.

Don't believe me? Then try it!...The squeamish should turn away right now… Booyah!

So what is the significance of this short history lesson? To arm you against those who would call you racist because you are a proud Republican. With the knowledge you will gain today, you can debate any Hypocrat, and thus "flip the script" or turn racism back on them. You will be able to prove to them that it is they who are either racists or stupid...or both.

So here are three of the most powerful bullets in your gun, yes I love you gun-toting NRA-loving Republicans. You are my people, which is why I scribe!

1. All legislation to protect the rights of Blacks was initiated by Republicans! That sentence is worth reading again, isn't it? This may come as a surprise to you, since Democrats have usurped the Civil Rights laws as their own. You will learn below how they were able to accomplish this.
   
2. All legislation to prevent Blacks from voting was sponsored by Democrats. Yet another sentence worthy of a re-read! Many of you may find that shocking, but it is true.
   
3. Finally, what was not legislated to prevent Blacks from voting was accomplished through intimidation tactics of…you guessed it, Democrats and their minions, such as organizations like the Klu Klux Klan.

So here is the brief history. The first civil rights laws were passed right after slavery, and were the first legislative attempts to assure African Americans an equal political and legal status. Those acts were the Civil Rights Acts of 1866, 1870, 1871, and 1875, all Republican-sponsored legislation.

I promise not to belabor these in great detail, except to explain what they covered. Remember, you need this information to battle White "meddlers" and elitists, as well as "silly Negros". I have underlined some "code", so that you see where the Democrats fit in all of this.

1866 - A law passed by the Republican-dominated Congress on April 9, 1866, during Reconstruction to protect the rights of freed slaves and to guarantee equal rights to blacks. It was passed "…over a March 27 veto by President Andrew Johnson, a Democrat." The 1866 act was of dubious constitutionality and was reenacted in 1870, only after the passage of the Fourteenth Amendment.

1871 - In March 1871, President Ulysses S. Grant, a Republican requested from Congress legislation that would address the problem of KKK violence, which had grown steadily since the group's formation in 1866. Congress responded on April 20, 1871, with the passage of the Ku Klux Klan Act, originally introduced as a bill to enforce the provisions of the Fourteenth Amendment and for other purposes. So what was this act meant to do? The Civil Rights Act of 1871 made it a crime to deny any citizen equal protection under the law by means of "force, intimidation or threat."

1875 - The act of 1875 further guaranteed blacks the right to use public accommodations, but this legislation was declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in 1883. Well guess what the makeup of the Supreme Court was in 1883? That is indeed a rhetorical question, but I will answer it, in case I have a Democrat, excuse my Hypocrat reading my blog. The Supreme Court of 1883 was made up of Democrats, yes racists!

After the Civil Rights Act of 1875 there was no more significant federal legislation in this field until the Civil Rights Acts of 1957 and 1960, although several states passed their own civil-rights laws.

1957 – The Civil Rights Act of 1957 was introduced during the presidency of Dwight Eisenhower, a Republican. This act is credited with kick-starting the civil rights legislative program that was to include the 1964 Civil Rights Act and the 1965 Voting Rights Act. Eisenhower was able to get 1957 Civil Rights Act passed, though cynics would say that "…this was simply to win the 'Black Vote'". In 1957 roughly 20% of African Americans were even registered to vote, so it was essentially irrelevant, given the numbers that actually voted. Good try, Hypocrats!

Now there is really no need to go further, except to explain that Eisenhower's civil rights program was the runway for all civil rights legislation to launch. And LBJ's signing of The 1964 Civil Rights Act was purely symbolic, and based on the vision and previous work of Eisenhower.

But enough about us! Let's talk about the Hypocrats. Needless to say, I have proven my point that these people wanted to keep Blacks in slavery, and are still succeeding to this day. But they also tried sneaky tactics along the way to minimalize Blacks, like the 3/5^th Compromise¹ and Poll Taxes².

And Hypocrats did not only try to stop Blacks from voting, but also from enjoying the same way of life that the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. The Democrats created things like Jim Crow Laws³ and Black Codes⁴, all legislation undone by Republicans.

So in short, when confronted by Hypocrats or silly Negros, you should now have enough of a historical backdrop to "flip the script".

That's my rant!

© 2008 Kevin Jackson – The Black Sphere All Rights Reserved

• Fact – Jimmy Carter signed into law the Community Reinvestment Act (1977), authorizing loans be made available to low-income households
  
• Fact – Clinton repeals Glass-Stegall and reduces reserve requirements with Fed bank
  
• Fact – Obama the lawyer threatens lawsuits against institutions for not making suspect loans
  
• Fact – Obama (Dem) receives 2^nd most PAC money from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac
  
• Fact – Dodd (Dem) receives the most PAC money from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac


• Fact – The Democrats thwarted any and all legislation to put controls on Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, though Republicans were initiating it
  
• Fact – Barney Frank (Dem) was the Chairman of the House Financial Services Committee during this time and has been on the committee for ten years...oh, and Frank received the 3rd most money from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac

Now this is enough evidence for any reasonable person to concede that the Democrats are chiefly to blame, though I defy you to find me a reasonable Democrat, for that is truly an oxymoron. So using logic, ask yourself, "If a Republican was to blame, given the temperament of the Democrats who control both Houses of Congress, and who wanted to impeach Bush for "war crimes", then why hasn't a Republican been drawn and quartered?" Surely there is some Republican for the Democrats to drag behind a truck through the streets of Washington DC. Let me answer my rhetorical question: No Republican has been dragged, because there isn't one to drag.

And because we are in "Bizarro World", Obama has convinced America that it is George Bush's fault and then tied the 800-pound gorilla on McCain's back, when both Bush and McCain warned of the crisis as early as 2004! Since we are in Bizarro World, I must say…"Well done, Obama!"

But there is more to Bizarro World. Where else can you grow up with work ethic, study hard in school, get good grades, and land yourself a good job, only to be called a racist, self-indulgent son-of-swine? And if you advance to ownership, then you are scum for breaking the backs of the poor Bizarro World non-worker. Since we are in Bizarro World, I say…"Shame on you, you hardworking, college-educated person of character".

Bizarro World is a world, where known terrorists are freed, and innocent babies are killed. So in Bizarro World, you can blow up police stations and commit other acts of terror, and be lauded as a citizen, and be given lots of money by the government, and then allowed to teach others of your disdain for the government at the University of Chicago, where you will be lauded as one of Bizarro World's finest professors. Such is Bizarro World.

But woe be to the innocent babies, because they hate innocence in Bizarro World.

But there is more to Bizarro World. Bizarro World is the only place in the universe where you can be lazy, actually encouraged not to work, have six children by four "baby's mama's", and you will not be required to pay child support.

In Bizarro World the government will dispatch your checks to you twice a month, because you needn't get up from your rest. So you can sit leisurely in your government-subsidized air-conditioned or heated home, eating government provided food, watching cable TV in your $100 Nikes, your $50 jeans, your $350 "throw-back" Jersey, while talking in intelligible language on your cell phone, playing on your PlayStation, with an iPod and keys to your tricked-out Lexus in your pocket. Since we are in Bizzaro World, I say…"Touché, you lazy Knucklehead. Well done!" But there is more to Bizarro World.

In Bizarro World, if you molest a child, they send you to a spa for a month for rehab, and then celebrate your release. Job you say? Well why not work at a day-care center. Because in Bizarro World, everybody deserves a second chance [to molest a child].

In the real world, a criminal breaks into your home, rapes your cat, and steals your loot, you shoot him, he's arrested, tried by a jury of his peers, then sent to jail, hopefully to be tormented as he tormented your cat.

But in Bizarro World, in the same scenario, the criminal is not arrested, you are. Then you are sued by the criminal for violating his rights to steal your loot, lose your home to the criminal, while the criminal marries your cat. Congratulations to the miscreant, and welcome to Bizarro World…oh, and let's not forget to welcome him to your family. As for you, well now you're getting what the cat got from the criminal! Our criminal is now an outstanding citizen of Bizarro World!

In the real world, one learns a craft, and works at a job for many years, in order to gain true expertise. However in Bizarro World, you can get hired at a junior level, go on sabbatical for 18 months to write a book, return for six months, and then ask to be made president. Not president of the company, silly, but of the United States! Since we are in Bizarro World, I say…"Well done, Smooth Criminal!"

And finally, in Bizarro World the president can hang out with criminals, and terrorists who surprisingly are mostly university professors. In Bizarro World the president hates the country, and he demonstrates it during the pledge of Allegiance, as he doesn't put his hand over his heart, nor does he show any patriotism, like wearing an American flag on his lapel, unless it is upside down! And in Bizarro World, the president disregards the Constitution.

Welcome to the new world that is America. Welcome to Bizarro World…Have a crappy day!

That's my rant!

© 2008 Kevin Jackson – The Black Sphere All Rights Reserved

Recently I attended an event, where James Carville was one of the keynote speakers. Typically I would never attend such an event, as I find the man both irritating and funny to look at. I was struggling with a stomach bug, so why run the risk of losing my lunch in two ways. However Carville's wife was to be the "better half" of the speech, which is why I decided to put my $7 at risk.

Admittedly I enjoyed Carville, and remembered that he said "…statistically speaking, over 65% of White women with Masters degrees vote Democratic". He went on to discuss other demographics, and essentially the net was "…dumb White chicks dig Obama." Obviously. They are dumb, I ROFL'd at the thought!

So the two-thirds so-called educated White women who vote Democrat, according to Carville do so mainly because of the right to choose. They are the NOW generation women, though I have another name for them. They remind me of precocious teens, trying to upset Daddy. Enjoy your hell ladies. As you have likely figured out, it ain't all wine, truffles, and caviar. In short, these women are of no interest to me, at least in this hypothesis.

My fascination is with the White women who might not normally vote Democratic, but find themselves drawn to Obama, like a moth to a flame, no, no…like a mosquito to a bug zapper! Yes, that's more analogous!

These White women would have you believe that it is because of the war, or Obama's stance on socialized medicine, or one of Obama's other inane, nonsensical policies. That's what they want you to believe. But I know the truth.

I believe this demographic has come down with a fever that is typically limited to warm, tropical environs, though it has become more prevalent in the US. Yes America, there has been an outbreak of not Scarlet, not Yellow, but Jungle Fever with these White women.

This demographic of White women of which I speak are the women who attended mostly White high schools and played it straight. They dated Eric, John, or Bill, the all-America White teenage boy, and either married him, or maybe three to five White boyfriends removed from him is their present husband.

Now life is mundane and tedious, and they have begun to reflect on the handful of Black boys that were in school. These Black kids were good athletes, good students, but they were "off limits". Nevertheless, secretly the White girls were jonesing for these Black stallions; their lust remained hidden. But Jungle Fever lay dormant, boiling like a cauldron deep within.

Lost in suburbia, the symptoms of Jungle Fever are difficult to spot. The occasional Black UPS driver or oil change mechanic might invoke a headrush, however not enough of a sympton to allow the disease to the surface. Then Obama enters, stage leftist or "leftest", pick the one you like!

"Oh my God, Sharon, did you see that Black guy with the funny name…Usamba or something? He is so good-looking, and articulate…and clean!"

The fever rushes to the surface like an erupting volcano, evoking in these White women the memories and pent up, unexplored passions from their pasts. They recall all the Reggies, the Tyrones, and Dmitriuses from high school.

Toys in hand, this group of White women all across America began indulging their Mandingo fantasies, deepening their love for Obama.

Their friends say," He's a terrorist-lover." "I don't kayer," they moan.

He's unqualified. "I don't kayer."

He has ideas that will bankrupt the country. "I don't kayer."

He's a socialist. "I don't kayer."

He's a racist. "I don't kayer."

He wants to kill babies after they are born. "I don't kayer."

He hates America? "I don't kayer! I LOOOVE him!", they say sobbing.

So far, no cure offered by the McCain campaign can combat Jungle Fever. Black Republican scientists are working feverishly (pardon intended!) on an antidote, which will involve Sarah Palin's DNA.

That's my rant!

© 2008 Kevin Jackson – The Black Sphere All Rights Reserved

Though not widely known outside The Black community, Blacks have a checkered past in the area of racism against our own. For example, "light-skinned" Blacks were considered superior to "dark-skinned" Blacks, mainly because light skin was closer to white, i.e. Caucasian. In my childhood, it was not uncommon to hear comments about a Black not passing the "color test", meaning that he or she might be a shade "too Black". We called each other names like Black Sambo, and used terms such as mulatto, octoroon, and quadroon to describe our various colors. Too Black and you were considered "African", a derogatory term for Blacks back in the 60s. But there was no such thing as "too light".

Black on Black racism continued with physical features like hair. Blacks had a grading system for hair back in the day. Blacks with fine, softer hair were considered to have "good hair", good being defined as "closer to White hair", and were looked on as better than their counterparts, who had "bad hair".

"Bad hair", or hair that was more course and more typical in our culture was called kinky or nappy. Many Blacks were so stigmatized by their hair, that an entire industry was spawned to "soften" the hair, a term called 'processing'. Blacks up until around the late-70s wore their processed hair slicked back, adding palm-aid to keep it in place. A notable Black example with 'processed' hair, though he wore more of a bouffant style, was Al Sharpton. Few Blacks wanted to have "bad hair", because in the Black community you were talked about, belittled, besmirched.

Circa 80s introduced the Jeri-curl or S-curl. This added the larger curl, which more closely mimicked the hair Blacks wanted to have. Pursuit of "good hair" is one of the reasons for many of the interracial relationships of the time, and one of the reasons for Black men's so-called fascination with White women.

The lips that have made famous Angelina Jolie were a trademark characteristic of Blacks. However for Blacks that feature was not considered endearing back in the day, as the Hollywood crowd might have us believe. Quite the contrary. Back in the day, if you wanted to really get a Black person upset, one might call him a "…big lipped, nappy-headed, Black as tar, big ass so and so". This brings us to our "junk in the trunk".

Yes, Blacks are known for our "junk", aka ghetto booties. Not to get all "Jimmy the Greek" on you, but it is likely less genetic, and more to do with the type of work that we did many years ago. So again as flat-bottomed women everywhere are paying thousands of dollars to get surgical "junk", genetic "junk" in the Black community was again be a focus of derision and ridicule in the past, particularly for women.

I'm happy to report that Blacks have shifted focus from our intra-racial differences, and in fact, thankfully Blacks are seeing the beauty of our people in all our splendor, be they so light, "…they make Michael Jackson look Black", or so dark, "…they could leave fingerprints on charcoal". That was for those of you who play the "dozens".

So again, Blacks have finally evolved from this nonsense, and now embrace all our beautiful qualities, as we should. However with this evolution from body parts, there has been devolution to racism that is targeted at Blacks with differing political views. And the new racism is directed at Black Republicans.

Shhh…There are Blacks, shhh, who are Republicans…in secret. I know, because I have met them in the speak-easies, whispering quietly about their drug of choice…Republican politics.

So I know a "user" when I see one. And take heed folks, there are more Black Republicans than you think. Most are scared, truly scared to voice their views, particularly to other Blacks. And scared they should be, because the backlash can be disturbing. Because Black Democrats are racists against Black Republicans. Those racist Black Democrats are some silly Negros! Here is why I call them silly Negros…

Negros in the 60s were taught…better word, indoctrinated by Democrats to be racist against learned people, particularly learned Republicans, and they are most cruel against learned Black Republicans, practicing fratricide in that respect. If a young Black child grows up "talking proper", and doesn't learn his second language, ebonics, he is teased at the very least, and likely attacked by silly Negros. Silly Negros literally want to beat the intelligence out of our brightest Black kids. You will hear comments like, "…ah, he wona [want to] be white." No silly Negro, "…he wona be intelligent". I believe if Negros had a test for Republicanism at birth, no Black Republicans would get a chance at life. Lord Obama would certainly kill Republican Blacks, reminiscent of Ramses in Egypt killing the first born of the Jews!

Democrats love silly Negros! That's the truth, the whole truth, and nothin' but. Democrats need silly Negros, because silly Negros (read slowly) eat what you feed them. Silly Negros are content with the leftovers of the pig…you know, the "chitlin's" and "pig's feet", while (read slowly) Massa eats the meat. You know they must have been starving to decide to eat pig gut?!! And pig skin?!! Well damnit, I want pork chops, not pork rinds!

So continuing with the metaphor, Black Republicans started killing their own pigs, and eating pork tenderloin and center-cut pork steak. "No pickled pigs feet for us!", they protested.

So the silly Negro got jealous and decided like every good Democrat, that he wanted the Black Republican's meat, though the silly Negro did nothing to deserve it. Being outnumbered 94 to 6, the Black Republican was forced to give up his pork, and go underground, so to say.

But while underground, Black Republicans trained like Navy Seals. Sleep deprivation (metaphorical references), debilitating wet and cold, pushing the log above our heads until our shoulders were on fire. We trained at the ocean, fighting the surf until waterboarding seems like bobbing for apples.

Not all Black Republicans made it. Some remained scared…silent, closeted, "moderate". [See Colin Powell – Outed!]

But the few who made it through training left hardened, ready for battle. Because we not only have the enemy of 'regular life', we have the enemy of fratricide, i.e. Black on Black racism.

We Black Republicans are a small, but elite fighting force, much like the…The Legion of Superheroes. We call ourselves, The Legion of Black Republican Superheroes!

The Black Republican knows why he enlisted. He knows there can be and will be casualties, but he is willing to sacrifice for the greater good. So we are content to fight back. We speak for White America, saying what Whites wish they could say, because no matter what they say, as a non-Black person they appear racist.

The "Obama Black" is fueled by the duality of a White person's plight…you know, "damned if you do, damned if you don't". They enjoy seeing them squirm. Whites say, "Janice, the printer needs a new Bla…I mean, African-American ink cartridge?", as silly Negros snicker behind their backs!

So the Black Republican Legion of Superheroes, namely Black Intellect, Black Reason, and Black Logic, use our superpowers of intellect, reason and logic to challenge Democrats, wherever they may be. It's difficult, but occasionally we can get one or two of them to mutter something intelligible and lucid, despite their feeble little minds.

Regardless, we pound them with ideas and concepts, notions and speculation, challenging them to think. We provide them with the facts of the Democrat's racist, sexist, and "otherist" past. We inform them that the policies of the Democrats have destroyed and continue to destroy the Black community, the Black family. We challenge them to name one thing, just ONE, that Black voting overwhelmingly Democrat has gotten Blacks, except occasional visits by rich White men and women to Black churches during elections? "What was that little Who'?" I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

So fellow Republicans, rest assured that this small, but elite insurgent force of Black Republicans called The Black Republican League of Superheroes (we are working on shortening this) is on the job and ever vigilant. We have lasers on the targets, and just need F-22 Raptor air support.

In case you were wondering, over the past few years we have been able to marginalize two insurgent targets, namely Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. These attacks were part of Operation Afro. Both were recently targeted on the ground by our elite force, while Predator Drones fired missiles hitting both their intended targets, right in the wallet.

The operation was a complete success. Both targets have been relegated to meaningless cable shows that get about as much viewership as your kid's YouTube musical. So progress has been made.

However we didn't have enough G-2 on the upstart Obama, so frankly…we were caught off guard. Our White counter-intelligence (pun intended!), the Clintons let us down. Nevertheless we have our core team redirected from other lesser ops, like Tavis Smiley and Tom Joiner. We are learning Legalese and various Arabic dialects, so we can keep the pressure on Obama and his terrorist friends, and all silly Negros.

That's my rant!

© 2008 Kevin Jackson – The Black Sphere All Rights Reserved

Being a political junkie, I was interested to get my fix. Yes politics is my drug of choice.

The event was advertised as "A Peaceful Discourse on the Subject of Politics - We welcome differing views." I thought to myself, "…Yeah right, and streets named after MLK are the safest streets in America…NOT!" My grandmother didn't raise no fool! Anything that you have to advertise as "peaceful" has the potential to be violent.

But I am not a punk, so I decided to go, as I felt the ideas they would espouse would be "experimental drugs" and would sate my need for the "hard stuff" -- you know, the election, the potential to elect our first terrorist-sympathizer as president, and the people who support him.

As I prepared to go, I "shot up" on my facts, reviewing Unfounded Loyalty, by Dr. Wayne Perryman, a book that was a revelation on how Blacks have been shafted by Democrats for years. I reviewed Timelines of African American History, so I wouldn't get the shakes during the event, and would be properly armed with information on Black Republicans throughout history.

The message coursed through my mind: Republicans, GOOD - Party of Lincoln, freed the slaves, Civil Rights Act of 1875, 1960, 1964, started Historically Black Colleges. Democrats BAD - Jim Crow laws, poll taxes, high taxes, lynchings, George Wallace, Senator Byrd, KKK, racists. My head was spinning, and yes, I was tripping, pupils dilated. I was ready to go.

I hid an extra hit, bringing the book 1001 Things Everyone Should Know About African American History. OK that was enough for me to share with other junkies, should I make a few converts and feel magnanimous. I was willing to share my "stuff".

Into my cousin's car I slid, concealing my 'stash', and wearing sunglasses to hide my dilated pupils and glazed over eyeballs. I wondered why we were taking his hoop-t, and not my Acura. But then again, I was in no condition to drive, Man.

Being a Democrat, he would hit me up for gas I figured, because Lord knows though we were only going seven miles, his "out of gas" light would come on. I anticipated that he would ask me for some money, as if our trip was the reason. This is a textbook Democrat ploy.

Sure enough, a minute later like clockwork there it was. I can't say for sure, but I think he pushed concealed button to get the light to come on.

"Yo Cuz, spot me twenty, til I see you again? I need to get that petro.", my cousin extorted.

I thought, "Only $20…Suckerrrrr! Haha, I had $50 on me and that sucka left $30 on the table."

Fully gassed, we headed off to the event. Left on Russell to Grand. Left on Grand. Two miles…wait a minute, check cashing place, self-serve car wash, liquor store, Chinese restaurant, bail bond, Chinese restaurant, Quik-Trip gas station, liquor store…wait a minute, hmmm…Chinese restaurant, Korean dry cleaner, check cashing place, bail bond, massage parlor [mental note], liquor store, Del Taco…wait a minute! "This is not the place where we are supposed to be going", I shout.

We arrive, where I find other members of my family sitting there, teary eyed, with their letters, notepads and hankerchiefs. There is a guy I don't know, who says to me, "Kevin, your family is here because they all love you," as I glance around the room to see everyone nodding and trying to smile, behind the tears.

The stranger continues, "Your family members are going to say a few things to you, then you can say a few things, then you are free to go."

I was at a Black Republican intervention!!!

So my older sister is first to go, and she says to me, "…Kevin...I've watch you for the past 37 years, since you were eight years old, do this to yourself [pause, wipe tear] and I can't take it anymore. If you insist on being a Black Republican, then I will have no choice but to continue to ask you for money, that I will never repay. And I will continue to show up unannounced at your home, and eat all your food, never bringing a dish. And I will ask you to watch my kids for a minute, only to stay away the entire day, regardless of your plans."

She continued, "...But if you take this gift, and it's a gift of love, that we are offering you today only...and go to 'Rehab for Black Republicans', [intentional run-on sentence, for you purist] and get the help you need, so you will no longer keep asking me for the money back, that you loaned me and instead consider it the gift that it needed to be, though I did ask for a loan, because you have the money, and it wasn't like you would miss it anyway, and stop being 'perturbed' because I won't stop to buy Cokes on the way to your house for dinner…anyway, take the gift!", she implored, yes begged of me.

Next was my cousin, then an uncle, and an aunt…they were ruining my buzz, and I began shouting uncontrollably things like, "reparations, and…Jesse Jackson, and love child, Bill Clinton wears Al Sharpton wigs, US of KKKA, Oprah, socialism, raise my taxes, Madonna loves Bush..." [see if you pick up that double entendre!]

Then I began speaking in tongues, and with Turrets, saying repeatedly, "Mattel an' Mimosa: Tepatated at Bird" [Translated: Michelle and Amarosa separated at birth]. Then somebody slapped me…

I went to rehab, and was walking the line for 32 days. But they found my copy of Black Puritan, Black Republican: The Life and Thought of Lemuel Haynes, 1753-1833 by John Saillant, and they kicked me out. I haven't been clean since.

That's my rant!

© 2008 Kevin Jackson – The Black Sphere All Rights Reserved