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Thursday, October 09, 2008

Taxacious - Obama's Pimp Name

Make no mistake about it. Barack “Barry" Obama is a p-i-m-p, pimp! Yes, I said it! If you don’t believe that Obama is a pimp, let’s analyze the definition of pimp, and then you decide. I added a few comments in [brackets] for better understanding.

1“A pimp finds and manages clients [Federal programs] for prostitutes [American public] and engages them in prostitution [work], in order to profit from their earnings [it ain’t the government’s money].”

Since the subject matter is pimping, the language can get a bit dicey. We will discuss words like well…prostitutes. So I want to provide a definition upfront, for clarity. I will use the word "stable" as a euphemism for "prostitute" as much as possible, so as not to offend some of my more sensitive readers. Thus, I will refer to Obama supporters as his "stable”, and not his "prostitutes".

The pimp comparison is just a metaphor, and not to be taken literally, again so as to not offend my more sensitive readers. [Yes, I too have become a victim of political correctness!] However, as smart Republicans, you all know what I am saying, as you digest my words [wink]. So now that we are all speaking the same tribal language, let's analyze pimping in the American political system.

To bolster my premise that Obama is a pimp, let’s discuss a brief history of political pimping.

Real political pimping was born back in the 60’s. The two most notable Black pimps of our time, pre-Obama, are Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They came to notoriety riding on the coat-tails of the Civil Rights movement.

Jesse Jackson began his pimping career in earnest at the death of a great Republican, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, when he usurped the mantle of the fallen civil rights leader to become the de facto leader of Black causes and issues, at least in the eyes of the Liberal media.

Jackson started small, pimping in Black communities and churches, and even took the title of Reverend, though he dropped out of divinity school. The fool couldn't fool God!

He was later given the honorary title of reverend, a takeoff of which became his pimp name of “Revrun”.

Jackson went on to pimp stardom by holding corporations hostage, threatening boycotts over so-called racial inequalities. His pimp card was revoked temporarily however, when it was discovered during The Clinton Years that he fathered a “love child."

Prior to the “love child” incident, Jackson was able to extort millions of dollars from corporate America, yet accomplish nothing tangible for Black Americans as a whole. Let’s give him his props however, as to his credit, Jackson’s organizations have never been audited, though there have been numerable questionable business practices, a tribute to his ability to keep people “from up all in his bidness”, and good pimping, I must admit.

“Revrun” would later run for president, as he took to the literal meaning of his pimp name, and the Rev did indeed run for president. But I digress…

Sharpton followed shortly thereafter, his pimp modis operandi was to make racial issues out of community issues, e.g. police brutality, and perhaps the most famous grandstanding, the Tawanna Brawley Incident. This is the incident where Tawanna Brawley was proven to have lied about some Italian boys having raped her. Her lie put Sharpton on "Front Street", i.e. embarrassing him. This particular incident is the reason Sharpton’s pimp card was revoked.

However, he was just recently given a talk show on a cable network. Nevertheless, his pimp status remains 'probationary'.

Prior to pimp status revocation, Sharpton would carry the pimp moniker of “Tackfulicious”, in reference to his "...cool threads and processed hair" [Quote from Joe Biden - Sept '76 Senate Journal 136]. Sharpton, like his predecessor Jackson would make a run for the presidency. [Note that I did not run for the presidency, and Sharpton only beat me by three votes.]

Because of Jackson’s “love child”, and the Tawanna “Cry Wolf” Brawley incident, Jackson and Sharpton are known as “popcorn pimps”, in comparison to Obama. Popcorn pimps are “one trick ponies” (pardon the obvious pun!), and the lowest on the pimp hierarchy. Neither Jackson, nor Sharpton really pimped on the grand scale, garnering only the "White Trash" vote [defined as
Madonna, Courtney Love, et al], neither able to get the true cross-over support of mainstream or more "uppity" Whites.

Obama, on the other hand, is what is known in the pimp culture as a “Mack”, pimping royalty. You see, Obama has indeed crossed over into the non- Black world, and is “turning out”, [pimp lingo for ‘stabling’ (wink)] people of all colors, particularly Whites.

“Whitey”, as Black pimps like to refer to “the man” [a gender-neutral reference], particularly younger Whiteys, and other cultures want to be part of Obama’s stable, and they are willing to “break bread” or pay to play. And mainstream Whites are happy to give Obama the bread. So Obama is the Mack of All Macks, which is why Jesse “I didn’t know the microphone was still on” Jackson wanted to relieve him of his “naughty bits” a while back.

Naughty bits intact, Obama has superseded one of the most bodacious White Macks of all time, Bill “The Raw Deal Unholyfield First Black President” Clinton, [pimp name “Slick Willie “ – google it!).

And we all know that Slick was a player of the highest order, the Magic Johnson of his time. But as Clinton is to Magic, Obama is to Air Jordan, and thus Obama makes Bill look as tired as a prostitute on nickel night, when it comes to pimping from the penthouse or the White House. Can you hear me preaching? Is this 'thang' on? I feel a “Revum” Wright sermon welling up in me now…hallelujah!

Why you say is Obama the Mack of All Macks? Well, Obama will “break serious bread”, i.e. get paid from his stable in two ways:

First, being a no name, no talent hack, Obama has already gotten more “cheddar” [for the bread, and we ain’t talking ‘guvment’ cheese, but a guyere!] from his stable, than any other presidential candidate in history! Obama has broken so much bread, he told the Fed, “…Looka hur. Uh y’all keep yo’, uh, ‘lil chump change, uh ‘cause man, I, uh, gots mine.” [And that’s a quote from a stump speech! – google it!]

Second, Obama will “whoop up” on those who will not join his stable [wink], especially Republicans. Republicans are what are known in the pimp world as “out of pocket” or disobedient. What does it take to be disobedient? Well looking at another pimp is a no-no, particularly old an old White man, war hero be damn! Obama will not “get peeled”, or lose one of his stable [wink] to another pimp.

Next, “holding out” or not giving all your money to your pimp is a big no-no. Needless to say, we Republicans are guilty of both.

So as a consequence, Obama must “tax that ass”, break out the proverbial “pimp stick”, and give Republicans a good Democrat Liberal beatdown of the serious pimp way. In pimp terms this is to “go Godzilla” on one’s stable [wink]. So again, “out of pocket holdouts” are defined as (1) any Republican, and (2) those Republicans making over $250K.

Here's the wrap:

You may not be taking me seriously, so let me break down the Federal Democrat pimp system for you.

Every morning productive stable [wink] get up and go to work. Obama will be jetting around the world in a pimped up Air Force One, living large, and looking for more stable [wink], likely in other countries. At the end of the day, he will make a call to his “bottom ho”, the woman [usually, though not gender specific] who acts as his office manager of sorts [Joe Biden in this case] to find out how much money we made him. Under the current system, we would work for the Fed until around July, and all money thereafter is ours to keep. But with Obama, we “out of pocket” folks still have too much money left over after July, so Obama plans to extend this for us until late October. Let’s all say this together: “Biotch betta have my money!”

So though pimping is currently illegal, and falls under the RICO statutes, we are about to “turn this mutha out”, to quote Reverend Wright in a sermon about Obama, one of his parishioners (for 20 years!) possibly becoming POTUS.

See, even a pastor was using pimp lingo in reference to Obama’s ascent to the throne. I don’t know about you, but I am glad to finally have a protector and benevolent pimp, whom I can give all my money to!

Google Obama’s name, then add ‘pimp’, and you will get his pimp name – Taxacious. Try it!

That’s my rant!

1Consult this link for more information on pimping - http://www.answers.com/topic/pimp

© 2008 Kevin Jackson – The Black Sphere All Rights Reserved


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3 comments:

Corey said...

How has no one commented on that? That's the funniest ish I've read lately. Well put.

The Black Sphere said...

@Corey - Thanks for the comment. I agree that this was a funny blog. I wasn't as popular back then. Perhaps it's time for a repost?

Arsonist said...

First!!!

(Sorry, just got linked here by Ace.)

http://minx.cc/?post=292431